Asking who you are becoming is a question about reflecting on who you were told to be.
Watch: Who are you Becoming? (~3mins)
Eight years ago, I wrote and posted something while on a work trip in Chicago that I often come back to. "At times– I'm being. Most times– I'm becoming." I did not know then that becoming would one day be the center of my work. Two years ago, I wrote about Old Identities vs. New Identities from within my own becoming. This past Sunday's session, I held space for others to name and reflect on their past and present identities.
The Morning Of the Session
The theme of February's Dear Mango Reflection Session was identity. And the morning of the session, I came across an interview with Lauryn Hill reflecting on the meaning of The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. She describes it as a metaphor for being reeducated. Unlearning what she had been taught to believe was true about herself and the world. She said, it’s about personal evolution and personal growth. The relationship between who society tells you to be and the way we live our lives. It was the perfect entry point into what we were about to experience together.
We opened with a grounding quote by Paulo Coelho that reminded me of a James Baldwin quote.
Paulo Coelho wrote that maybe the journey is not about becoming anything at all. Maybe it is about unbecoming everything that was never really yours to begin with, to be who you were meant to be.
And James Baldwin wrote about spending years vomiting up the filth he had been taught about himself before he was able to walk on the earth as though he had a right to be here.
Both quotes remind us that a lot of what we are taught was not ours to carry.
Activity One: Old Identities and New Identities
We started with a simple and not easy activity. Mapping old identities against new ones.
Old identities are not necessarily bad. Some are made of dreams you had for yourself, or subconsciously carrying out a dream someone had for you. Some embodied what you defined as success. For others, it became a roadmap and foundation that you don't expect to go away. Old identities that gave you a sense of accomplishment, security, and groundedness. And some old identities came from a place of survival, formed before you had the language to name them or the resources to choose differently.
Then life can hit you like a tide. You can find yourself starting over in many ways, and in other ways, allowing you to create what the next version of you can look like now that you have lived the former version of yourself. New identities emerge from being resourced and the practice of self-trust. The mapping is not about judging who you were or where you are. Everyone enters this work from a different place and there is space for all of it. It is about recognizing the experiences you've had and how you have evolved. I invited the room to ask for what they needed. We extended our time together and left wanting to keep the conversation going beyond the session. More often than not, you learn something real and genuine about yourself and each other through these exercises.
Activity Two: The Social Identity Wheel
Then we went deeper by pulling the lens back and looking at the forest.
There are many social identity wheel frameworks. What I appreciate about this framework from the Cultural Competence Learning Institute is how it clearly identifies the layers. Personality sits at the center. Surrounding it are the Core/Internal Dimensions, including but not limited to: race, ethnicity, gender, and age. These are the identities closest to who you are. Then the Secondary/External Dimensions, including but not limited to: geographic location, educational background, and socioeconomic status. These tend to be shaped by circumstance and environment. And then the organizational and collective layers remind us that we are not functioning in a vacuum. We are navigating a specific moment in history that has a history. We are all navigating identities shaped by systems that existed long before we did. Some were inherited. Some you discovered like a treasure hunt. Some you are uncovering as it unfolds.
Reflection Questions
We worked through a short list in the session. I am sharing the full list here for you to explore on your own time.
-
Which identities are you most aware of?
-
Which identities are you least aware of?
-
Which identities have the greatest effect on how you see yourself as a person?
-
Which identities have the greatest effect on how others see you as a person?
-
Which identities are authentic to you versus those assigned by others?
-
Which gives you power and privilege in the U.S.?
-
Which does not give you power and privilege in the U.S.?
-
Which has the greatest effect on your decision-making?
-
How do your identities impact your sense of belonging and influence your access to power and privilege?
Take your time. There are no right answers. Create space for honest reflection.
Want to Learn More?
Yesterday's session was an intimate reminder that we are constantly changing. Our identities are layered, and some stand out more than others at any given time. The version of you that walked into 2026 is not the same one who will walk out of it. That is not something to fear. That is the blossoming of becoming.
If you are interested in walking through one of the activities, I invite you to start here.
And if you want to go deeper, this is an example of what the Study Yourself® Practice was designed to explore. You can book a free consultation here.
Interested in joining the next Dear Mango Reflection Session, Sunday, March 29th? The topic is self-awareness. Join the mailing list here.