“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ― Socrates
For the past three months, I have been publishing my writings about time, identity, and what happens when you pause long enough to hear yourself.
January was about our mirrors. Ten Years of Choosing a Word
February was about our unbecoming. At times I'm being. Most times I'm becoming.
March is about the practice that makes both possible. Self-awareness.
Self-awareness is a skill you can develop. Vulnerability starts by being honest with yourself.
This month, my blog post and upcoming Reflection Session are both anchored in understanding your inner world as a practice you return to, over and over again, even when it is uncomfortable.
Mirror from I Write Letters In My Thoughts
She studies herself
Surrounded by people
Who love her.
Hated by people
Who see her secure
In her skin.
My Archives
My writing captures honest growth, reflection, and progression in real time. By fortifying our sense of self and embracing the journey with an open mind, we transcend fear and rigidity, paving the way for expansive growth. We live it forward and understand it backward.
2010 | The best thing about staying true to yourself, you can trust your instinct is leading you in the right direction.
2013 | Now, when someone tells me I cannot do something, what I have been through to get here flashes before my eyes. That is confidence, not ego.
2014 | When you start to use your vulnerability as your strength, the game changes.
2016 | I am starting to read my work to friends. I am finding my voice. I hear it getting stronger. It’s been a journey to make it this far. So much more to go. I have a title. I am visualizing the cover. Gratitude.
2019 | You are saving your sanity in the most natural way.
Self-Awareness ≠ Self-Criticism
They are fundamentally different mental processes that activate distinct regions of the brain.
Self-criticism says, pay attention to what you are doing wrong. It is characterized by harsh evaluations, shame, and a "mean" internal voice.
Self-awareness says, pay attention to what is happening. It involves neutral observation without judgment.
According to a 2025 study, we are on autopilot more than 88% of the time. Less than half of us can accurately name what we are feeling in a given moment. And while 95% of us believe we are self-aware, only 10-15% actually are.
Energy follows attention. What you pay attention to grows. What you ignore does not disappear. Whether you ignore or suppress, it manifests in other ways.
Self-awareness can be hard. Research also shows we are biased when assessing ourselves, especially when people project their perceptions onto us. The way to know yourself is to try something new and then reflect on it. The problem is when you do not do anything with those reflections and learnings.
Why Writing It Down Matters
According to Elizabeth Loftus, Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Law at UC Irvine and the world's leading expert on memory says, our memories are constructive and reconstructive.
“Memory works a little bit more like a Wikipedia page: you can go in there and change it, but so can other people.”
Our memory does not always accurately recall interactions and events. When someone tries to rewrite what happened, your written words can ground you in your reality and what you experienced. Not for them. For you.
When you put your experiences on paper, you take back your power. You ground yourself in what you lived. People can leave out the harm they caused. People can try to tell you how to feel. They will let time pass to blur your memory. But your journal remembers what you experienced and how it made you feel.
This exercise allows you to pause, connect your mind and body, and be honest with yourself. Through it, you reclaim your reality, strengthen your intuition, and build trust with yourself.
Write it down. Own your story. And reaffirm for yourself, "I remember it differently."
Not Starting from Scratch
In 2019, I wrote: Remind yourself the work you did to get here. You are self-revelation.
A few years ago, I photographed a tea bag tag that read: The purpose of life is to know yourself and love yourself and trust yourself and be yourself.
You are not starting from zero. You have been collecting evidence of yourself your entire life. The practice is learning to read it with intention, not just in crisis.
Self-awareness will lead you to your highest self. It transforms criticism into creativity. As you move into a new season, the people and situations that no longer fit will fall away. Not because something went wrong, but because you are clearer.
Do not let other people's perception of you define what you consider success or failure. That is not their job. It is yours.
Not a One-Time Destination
It is not the moment you sit in the right room or hear the right thing that you suddenly understand yourself completely. It is what you return to over and over again. The same questions can generate different answers at any given time.
Self-awareness comes before progress.
Reflection Prompt: Reflect on the Month
This month I am grateful for…
I learned…
What helped re-energize me…
How has my word or phrase for the year helped me…
How did I surprise myself…
I wish I had made more time for…
What new ideas have been trying to get my attention…
What do I need more of…
What do I need less of…
How did I take care of myself…
Who did I spend time with…
What word describes the month I had…
An Invitation
Want personalized support? Private coaching for the version of you that is ready to stop waiting for permission. You can book a free consultation here.
Interested in joining our upcoming Dear Mango Reflection Session, Sunday, March 29th? This month’s topic is self-awareness. Register here.
Dear Mango Podcast, Episode 1 out now. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube.
Join the Dear Mango community email list here.
Know your worth, and never trust anyone who tells you you are not worth what you have worked for.